|
(This is an interactive article which allows the reader to reflect on their lives light of the example of an anonymous client by the name of Bill. If in fact, you and/or a family member/friend are challenged by The Porn/The Ugly and its effects, I invite you to reflect on the questions for a few moments and begin to give your voice to some of the workings of The Porn/The Ugly as ‘It’ works differently in each person. You will note, following a brief dialogue between David and Bill there are unanswered questions for you yourself to reflect upon. Similar conversations take place within my therapy sessions as well … such opportunities in the past have helped clients focus on the problem rather than simply seeing themselves as the problem. You are not the problem, the problem is The Porn/Sexual Compulsivity, etc.. By giving voice to such struggles/afflictions have empowered individuals to invite the possibilities of change to come into their lives.)
D: David as Therapist
B: Bill as Client
D: Is it ok if I ask what might be helpful for you to talk about, that is, how could our time be most well spent and when we conclude our session in one hour, you will be able to say that your time was well spent?
B: Well, it is rather embarrassing and I really don't know if I want to talk about why I reallycame here. It began along time ago and it has gotten worse over time...I really don't know what to do about 'It'. The worst part is that 'It' not only affects me, but is has greatly affected my marriage and simply relationships with others as I find that I am consumed by 'It'.
D: Well you know Bill, this is how it often is as the majority of my clients who come into my office also feel overwhelmed. First and foremost, I am not into pressuring you or making you talk about anything which you don't want to. Therapy is simply an opportunity to address the areas which you want to talk about. Would it be alright if I just ask you a few questions?
B: Sure ... it can't hurt.
D: Exactly ... and if at any time you choose not to answer one of my questions or you simply don't know the answer, simply tell me to pass on a given question or even discontinue the questioning completely. Can you do that for me?
B: Sure I will let you know.
D: Thank you as I have never been a good mind reader nor do I ever want to be. Trying to guess what you are thinking is impossible and likewise I will be frank and honest with what I am thinking, thus, I will let you know what is on my mind as well.
D: Ok ... a few questions which come to mind Bill as earlier you were talking about how embarrassing it is talk about 'It', how 'It' has gotten much worse over time and how 'It' not only affects you, but also affects your wife and others:
Just curious, what is this like with ‘It’ in your life?
Like when did ‘It’ first come in/appear/sneak into your life? What age were you? What else was going on in your life when ‘It’ tricked its way in?
I am just wondering if there might be another name you could give it rather than ‘It’? What name might best sum up or describe ‘It’?So what effect does “The Porn/The Ugly” have on how you see yourself?
What effect does “The Porn/The Ugly” simply have on your everyday life?
What kind of lies/deception might “The Porn/The Ugly” be trying to get you to believe about yourself? Has it tried to convince you that there is no way out or you don’t want out?
So it first appeared in your life when you were growing up … here you are now as an adult, how has The Porn/The Ugly lie led you in over time into some of the difficulties you are now experiencing?
You have earlier talked about some of The Strengths/Positives in your life … just wondering how has “The Porn/The Ugly” blinded you from noticing or bringing forth those resources or can you see those resources thru The Porn/Ugly?
So what effect has “The Porn/The Ugly” had on your relationship with your wife? What are some of the beliefs about your wife that “ The Porn/The Ugly” is trying to get you to believe about her?
What effect has’It’ had on your relationship with your family, friends, co-workers, etc.?
So when “The Porn/The Ugly” is speaking loudly or having a great effect upon you … what effect does ’It’ have on your hopes, plans and future? How does’It’ have you reprioritizing?
By giving voice, it has helped clients create some space between them and this sexual addiction/compulsivity. I have found the key is assisting others in reassuring them they are not alone. Generally problems, and especially, for example “The Porn/The Ugly” want their victims to feel isolated much like an island. The more that they can become connected to others, the more equipped they are to stand up to “The Porn/The Ugly” and its effects. After all, “no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church, for we are members of his church.” (Eph 5:29) To be the body of Christ requires that we are connected to others. Indeed, it can be shameful and embarrassing to bring forth this issue, yet it is only by bringing it to the light that true healing can come in.
The Porn/The Ugly like to team up with The Hate to bring people down even further. Each and every one of us is broken to one extent or another. Judging and/or comparing sins such as this sexual sin is the worst ever, simply is not of GOD. “For the judgment is merciless to one who has not shown mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment.” (Ja 2:13) What I chose to be is a vessel of mercy rather than looking down or making people feel embarrassed. By doing such counter Christ-like acts simply teams up with The Devil and all his little buddies of The Porn/The Ugly, The Hate, etc.. How can change, freedom, true happiness and life come into people’s lives when such things have a hold on them?
As a therapist, there is nothing that brings me greater joy than seeing people separate themselves from that way of life which greatly stifles who they are called to be. “So whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come.” (II Cor 5:17) It needs to be your choice to seek professional help. If not for yourself, I then invite you to consider your loved ones. Oftentimes, clients have said that the worst part is how ‘It’ affects their loved ones as well. Its contagious nature begins to erode and infect marriages, parenting and friendships. You may say that ‘It’ has not effected others, and yet as the body of Christ what affects the finger affects the arm which affects the rest of the body. Why wait until ‘It’ begins to affect your loved ones for the sooner you can address this, the more likely you will gain victory.
“At once, Jesus spoke to them, take courage, it is I, do not be afraid. He said, ‘Come’. Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on water toward Jesus. But when he saw how strong the wind was he became frightened; and, beginning to sink, he cried out, ‘LORD save me’! Immediately Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him”. (Mt. 14:27-31) Jesus wants to catch you, yet he is not going to make you do anything. He invites you out of your boat. As comfortable and normative as your boat has become, He wants more from you. This is an invitation of love, forgiveness, mercy, purity, holiness and freedom. It may be initially embarrassing and shameful, yet GOD wants you to walk on water. I invite/challenge you to stand up to the waves of embarrassment, shame, etc.. GOD has great plans for you as he invites you to tap into His courage, that is, the Christ within and not be afraid to give a call to my office to schedule an appointment. We could schedule a free telephone consultation or even come into my St Louis Park office for a free 30 minute consultation. Just remember that each and every one of us is broken and have our own issues. There is likely nothing you will tell/share with me that I have not heard in similar fashion from other clients. I will not be shocked for this is my profession. I hope to hear from you!
|
